Sick
by Reneey Umbra
Summary: Reneey and Lyn are sick, and Yami and Bakura take it upon themselves to take care of them. But can they manage that without winding up killing each other?
1. Stupid Is The Hot Word

"IT'S ICKY AND YUCKY AND IT DOESN'T EVEN TASTE LIKE CHERRIES!" yelled a hoarse voice.

"But I want you to get better! And stop yelling! You're hurting your voice!" snapped Yami Bakura. "Now, take it before I shove it down your throat!"

"But it's icky, yucky, and it's nowhere near tasting like cherries!"

"Threaten her again and I -- I'll -- ACHOO!" Lyn stopped in the middle of her own threat to sneeze, and Yami looked at her worriedly and gave her a tissue.

"Dude, these aren't Puffs!" she complained. "There are the evil things that make my nose hurt!"

A couple of hours earlier, Reneey and Lyn had woke up coughing, sneezing, and throwing up, with fevers. Lyn had blamed Reneey because it was dead winter and Reneey had forgotten the keys so that they were locked outside of the game shop until Solomon got home. Apparently, Yugi was a very heavy sleeper, and Lyn didn't have anything to pick the lock with.

While the others went to school, Atem stayed behind to tend the girls. Of course, Yami Bakura heard of this and wouldn't let anyone else help his daughter, so he came over, too. He would suffer through being with the pharaoh and his daughter for Reneey.. but ONLY for Reneey.

"Tomb robber, I really don't think yelling is going to get your daughter to drink the medicine," Yami said with a sweatdrop while Bakura glared.

"I can take care of my daughter just fine!"

"Yeah, because you did such an excellent job in ancient Egypt," Lyn said sarcastically before collapsing into a coughing fit.

"Irina Bakura Umbra, take this medicine right now!" Bakura snapped.

"If my throat wasn't hurting, you would be so deaf!" Reneey tried to yell in her whispering tone.

"Quit yelling at her -- before I break -- your face!" Lyn managed to get out between sneezes.

Naturally, give any other circumstasnce, Bakura would already have sent Lyn to the Shadow Realm -- but right now, his daughter was sick and, as a parent, he had to tend to her. Besides.. there were sure to be other opportunities.

Yami sighed as he went to a cupboard and got a box of Puffs tissues. "Here you go," he said as he handed her a couple of tissues.

"Fine, I'll take it, but I want something to wash it down with," Reneey growled.

"And that is?"

"Red tea."

Bakura blinked. "What's tea?"

Lyn promptly laughed so hard that she broke into another coughing and sneezing fit.

Yami widened his eyes and put his arms around her, patting her on the back to ease the coughing.

"What's so funny!?" Bakura asked with a glare.

"No tea, no medi..."

Reneey didn't finish her sentence because she suddenly flew out of bed, pushed her dad out of the way, scrambled to the bathroom, and slammed the door.

"Eurgh, lucky," Lyn growled, glaring at the door. "You get to puke and feel better. I just have to sit here and be nauseous."

"Puking ain't fun!" Reneey groaned from the bathroom.

"But it makes you feel better," Lyn muttered darkly.

Bakura looked at the pharaoh and then at the pharaoh's daughter. "What is this thing called.. red tea?"

Yami sighed and asked, "Lyn, could you stay here for a bit while I make some red tea?"

At least he had learned something from his time in staying with Yugi -- he had picked up on how to use modern items simply by watching Yugi use them.

"Mmkay," Lyn said faintly from where she sat with her head tilted back and her eyes closed. "So long as you shut up about it, my head's about to implode..."

Bakura blinked, then reached into his pocket and threw some Tylenol at Lyn. A few minutes before, when Yami had forced Bakura to go to this place called 'CVS' (only Ra knew what 'CVS' meant), he had asked some people about treatments for sore throat, fevers, etc. And while he was going to pay for them, Tylenol caught his eye when it said something about 'headaches, sore throat, stomachaches,' etc. So naturally, he took it -- and, being the thief king, he managed to steal it without being caught.

"I don't want stolen Tylenol, thanks," Lyn said, shaking her head. "Anyway, I already took ibuprofen. And since when do you care if I have a headache?"

"If you die, I'll never hear the end of it," Yami Bakura grumbled. "Take it, it said it works better than i..whatever."

The bathroom door slammed open. "Shit.. Daddy, do you have vitamin C gummy bears?"

"Vitamin C? Gummy bears?" Reneey's dad blinked. "Why would a bear be gummy?"

"I'm not gonna die from the flu," Lyn said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, Tylenol's hard on the stomach and I really don't need any -- more --"

Lyn went even more pale and suddenly leapt out of bed, shoved Reneey out of the bathroom doorway, and slammed the door even louder than Reneey had.

"Daddy! GO TO CVS AND GET MY VITAMIN C GUMMY BEARS!"

Reneey shoved her dad out of the room; the thief growled, but remembered that this was his daughter. Besides, he could always just punish her later, when she was better.

What in Ra's name are vitamin C gummy bears?

"Lyn?" Atem asked, walking into the room. "Reneey, where's Lyn? And your dad?"

"Lyn's throwing up, Daddy's at CVS buying vitamin C gummy bears, and did you get me tea!?"

---

Bakura was in CVS, glaring at everyone who thought his hairdo was 'funny.'

_Curse my hikari with his stupid hair and his stupid body and his stupid father picking him to be my stupid host!_

He sighed as he went to look for the medicine. _Only Slyfer knows what in the world Vitamin C Gummy Bears are..._

"Hello, can I help you?" asked a worker, who caused Yami Bakura to jump and almost send the unfortunate soul to the Shadow Realm.

"Don't. Do. That," the thief said between growls. The worker just gulped and nodded.

"Anyway, what is this.. vitamin C gummy bear?"

"Oh, we don't have Vitamin C Gummy Bears, we only have Vitamin C Gum Drops."

The thief shrugged and said, "Whatever," so the thief gave him that and he paid for it (coughfive-finger-discountcough) before heading home. Or, well, to the pharaoh's home, anyway.

When he got there, he saw Lyn and Reneey dueling while Yami was trying to figure out how to make chicken and -- this that only the gods would know -- lasagna.

"Here you go, Reneey," Bakura said, throwing the Vitamin C Gum Drops at her. Reneey looked at them and frowned.

"These aren't gummy bears."

"The worker said they were out."

"I want GUMMY BEARS!"

"You know, thief dude," Lyn said with a twinkle in her eye, "there are Vitamin C Gummy Bears at Walmart..."

Yami Bakura blinked. "Why would a wall be at a marketplace?"

"Daddy! Go to Walmart and get Vitamin C _Gummy Bears_!"

"And where is this Wall Mart?"

A map hit him in the face.

"There's a map," Lyn said, shrugging, as she flipped over Lady Assailant of Flames, discarded three cards, and took 800 LP from Reneey.

"FINE!" the thief yelled as he stomped his way to the door, but not before --

"Bakura, do you know how to make lasagna?"

"Only the gods can know," Bakura said as he slammed the door.

And so Bakura looked at the map that Lyn had thrown at him.

"Okay, so the red dot says I'm here, and Wall Mart is... This.. line says it's five miles away."

He shrugged, took a few steps, and then finally it hit him: he had to walk five miles.

"FIVE FUCKING MILES!?"

And naturally, this got people to stare at them, and made him seriously wonder why he hadn't sent any of them to the Shadow Realm yet.

"Oh, right... because my stupid hikari has my stupid Millennium Ring because the stupid pharaoh just had to remind said stupid hikari to bring the stupid Millennium Ring with him! Stupid (censored words too graphic for thsi story) pharaoh!"

Meanwhile...

"RA!" Yami cursed in Egyptian. (He doesn't remember his past yet, but he remembers curses in Egypt?) "Stupid frying pan with its stupid sizzling hot pain when I poured the stupid button on it to fry this stupid chicken! Now my stupid arm is burning! Stupid (censored words too graphic for this story) pan!"

Now, of course this was really OOC for Yami, but.. you can't deny it was very funny.

Lyn promptly turned to Reneey and said, "I think my dad's been hanging around your dad too long."


	2. Slamming Doors

"What in Ra's name!?" Bakura cried in surprise. Apparently he had found Walmart, but when he walked up to it, the door -- an automatic door, though obviously he didn't know that -- slid open.

"Are you a tracking device?" Bakura asked as he stepped away and the door closed.

He stepped onto the mat and the door opened, then quickly back off and it closed again.

"What sort of dark magic is this?" Bakura wondered. "Could this be the thing I need to destroy the pharaoh? A door that will only open for its master? The pharaoh will starve!"

Suddenly he was pushed out of the way as more people walked up, and the thief's eyes widened.

"Door! Only obey your master! Do not open for anyone else!"

More people came up, and the door opened again.

"Obey your master!"

Once again, the door opened for everyone else.

"I created you! And I can destroy you, too!"

He kicked the door, thus breaking it, thus making the security cop chase after him.

"Door! Obey your master and trap this mortal in your magic of doom!"

But the sad door just lay there.. broken.

(A/N: It's soooo poetic like.. don'tcha agree?)

Meanwhile...

"RA (censored word censored word censored word censored word censored word)!" Yami yelled. He had knelt down by the cupboard to get some cheese for Reneey's lasagna but what he didn't count on was slipping on spilled butter and trying to catch onto something -- which he did. The frying pan. And then it fell and the sizzling hot pan landed on top of him.

"Lyn.. go help ya daddy," Reneey said.

"Eurgh.. but it smells like food in there," Lyn complained. "And the smell of food makes me want to puke..."

Nonetheless, she got up and went, and her green eyes widened at the sight of her father lying on the floor, cursing as he shoved a frying pan off of him.

"Er.. if this is a bad time I can just go back and mercifully avoid the smell of food," Lyn said slowly.

"Yes, you go and rest," Yami said as he got up. "Go and feel better. Now!"

Lyn blinked and then growled, "Well, fine, then. See if I offer to help you again, grouchy old ancient pain in the rear end."

There was actually more to her grumblings then this, but whatever else she said was cut off by the kitchen door closing behind her as she walked out.

Reneey was in the bathroom, puking, again when Lyn returned and took out her ibuprofen.

"Argh," Yami yelled, this time having dropped all of the butter, which landed on the floor. When Yami Bakura came back with Reneey's Vitamin C Gummy Bears (at long last!), he was immediately pushed back out the door by Yami.

"Go get butter!"

"We have butter!"

"Not any more! Go to Shop Rite!"

"What the fuck is that!?"

"A grocery store!"

"And where is it?"

Just then another map hit Bakura in the face. Ra, what was it with the pharaoh and his daughter and throwing maps at Bakura's head!?

"Now go!" Yami ordered, slamming the door.

"ARGH! STUPID!" Bakura yelled, throwing his hands up -- but the bags ripped, and the Vitamin C Gummy Bears fell down into the dirt.

"Oh, RA!" He kicked the ground, but slipped on some mud and fell down. "STUPID (censored word censored word censored word)!"

He looked at the map; the nearest Shop Rite was six miles away.

"Six.. fucking.. miles!?"

Then he sighed and thought, _Remember.. My daughter is in pain... Must.. be.. calm..._

_Okay, Lyn's chicken will have to wait,_ Yami thought as he took out and began to slice the cheese.

Bakura finally made it to Shop Rite, and while he was inside, something bumped into him.

"The Ra?" he snapped, but found out nobody was there. He had walked into a shopping cart.

"What is this?" he wondered aloud, poking it.

_Must be some sort of torture device,_ he decided, shrugging, as he went for the butter -- again with the five-finger discount -- and left.

Meanwhile, Yami was trying to continue making the lasagna. He got the meat out, but slipped on the butter he had dropped on the floor earlier, and fell down, spilling the meat all over the place.

And that was when Bakura came back.

"Here's your stupi --"

Bakura was cut off as he was again pushed back outside.

"We need meat!"

"We have meat!"

"Not any more! Now go back to Shop Rite and get meat!"

Yami slammed the door once again, and then the kitchen door opened and Lyn's head peeked in. She was smiling sweetly, but her voice was deadly as she said, "Just FYI.. the next person to slam a door and make my head pound like that again will _wish_ they had just been sent to the Shadow Realm."

Just then the bathroom door was slammed open.

"My thr..."

But Reneey never finished that sentence, because she once again slammed the door and began puking again.

Yami raised his eyebrows, and Lyn shrugged and said, "All right, the first person who isn't too busy puking her guts out to close it normally."

Bakura stomped back in, growled, "Here are the stupid Vitamin C Gummy Bears!" and threw them at Lyn before leaving and slamming the door behind.

Lyn's eye twitched.

Yami blinked before leaping between her and the door as she suddenly started toward it.


	3. Curtains

So Bakura was at Shop Rite looking for meat, and he found meat. But the question was, which kind of meat was he supposed to get? His daughter liked red meat.. but all of them looked red.

"There's rare red meat, red meat, brown mean? Okay, whatever... Pig meat, cow meat, goat meat... Argh!"

Bakura hit his head against the wall and demanded, "What kind of meat!?"

Finally he growled, "Okay, you know what? Screw this!"

Then he grabbed all of the meat he could, stuffed it into his pants, and walked off. Hey, he's the thief king, he won't get caught.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Reneey and Lyn were watching Pucca (and Lyn was laughing about how Pucca was just like Reneey with emo boys), while Yami was ranting on and trying to figure out where Bakura was.

_Where in Ra's name is that damned thief!? I can't make Reneey's lasagna without the meat and I can't make Lyn's chicken without the butter! .. Oh, well, I guess I'll deal with the salad._

So Yami went to the refrigerator and got out lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, croutons, and salad dressing. But the tomato and crouton bags ripped, and the tomatoes smashed while the croutons crumbled.

"_DAMN_!" Yami yelled, and before Bakura even got a foot in the door, he was pushed back out.

"Go get tomatoes and curtains!"

Bakura blinked. "Curtains?"

"Yes, curtains! You know, the little bread things that go in salads!"

"... You mean croutons?"

Yami blinked and finally said, "Yeah, whatever. Curtains, croutons, what's the difference?"

Bakura stared. "Curtains go on windows, baka pharaoh!"

(A/N: Lyn here. Yeah, the curtains/croutons thing I actually put in here because when Reneey originally wrote this part, she kept saying Yami was putting curtains in the salad. XD So yeah, this is actually inspired by true events:P)

"Curtains in a salad?" Reneey asked, blinking.

"Wow," Lyn said from where she was doubled over with her head on her knees from laughing so hard. "You know.. my dad says croutons about like you do, Rea."

"Nuh-uh!" Reneey objected, throwing a pillow at Lyn's head. Pucca ended, but then... Lyn looked at Reneey with a twinkle in her green eyes.

1

2

3

"PINKY AND THE BRAIN!" both girls sang with sore throats. "ONE IS A GENIUS WHILE THE OTHER'S INSANE!"

Yami stuck his head into the room, raised an eyebrow, and looked at the girls rather like he thought they had lost their minds.

"Psh," Lyn muttered, rolling her eyes. "You're a five-thousand-year-old pharaoh who plays children's card games. Like _you're_ really sane."

"Hey, it's not a children's card game!" Bakura ranted. It started off as an ancient magic game! Till that baka Pegasus made it into a card game! And why are you singing a song from a show about.. mice?"

"They plot to take over the world," Reneey and Lyn sang, totally ignoring him.

"Hey, they're like you, Daddy!" Reneey announced, grinning.

"About as successful as him at it, too," Lyn added, laughing.

Bakura glared and snapped "You're grounded!" Then he slammed the door, and Yami yelled after him.

"AND DON'T FORGET THE HOT DOGS!"

"Why would we eat dogs that are hot...?"


	4. Role Reversal?

Yami was pacing around the kitchen, growling.

_Where is that damned thief!? He's been gone for an hour!_

"Lynni.. do you think Daddy died?" Reneey asked as the girls sat in the living room, watching Jeepers Creepers.

Lyn started laughing, which at this point was a bad thing, because laughter made her throat tickle, which made her cough.

Yami stopped pacing and went to his daughter's side with a worried look on his face. Suddenly the kitchen door slammed open.

"I have your crap!" Bakura shouted. "And I am never, ever going to any of those evil places ever again!"

"Can't blame you," Lyn choked out between coughs. "Walmart is the devil."

"Bakura, good, you're here!" Yami said, relieved. "We need salad dressing and more meat! Go get them!"

Bakura glared and growled, "No! You get it, baka pharaoh!"

"Fine, but you have to take care of them!"

"Fine! I mean, how hard can that be?"

"Daddy!" Reneey snapped. "I want orange juice without pulp, three boxes of Puffs tissues, get my Tylenol and my cough drops, I feel nauseous, rub my tummy! My head hurts! Get my Tylenol! I don't feel good, MAKE MY LASAGNA!"

Reneey said this all so quickly that it made Lyn double over laughing, and then coughing, all over again.

"And fix Lynni so she doesn't die of coughing! AND MAKE MY FUCKING LASAGNA!"

"Good day, Bakura," Yami said as he left to get the stuff.

Bakura sighed, went over to Lyn, and patted her head awkwardly.

"I have a headache, you idiot!" Lyn said between coughs.

Half sighing and half growling, Bakura started patting her back instead to ease the coughing.

"There, better?"

"I don't feel good," Reneey groaned.

"Well, you _are_ sick," Bakura said obviously, and Lyn sighed.

"Okay, you go to the kitchen and try to fix _something_ before Reneey starves to death as she thinks she's about to, and I'll make sure she doesn't die of a stomach flu-type thing before then. Deal?"

"But I want Daddy! ... Wait, never mind. I'll have better luck getting help from a monkey," Reneey mumbled.

"Fine," Bakura said as he went to the kitchen -- but then he slipped on some butter and hit the ground.

"FUCK!"

Lyn blinked and yelled into the kitchen, "Oh, yeah, and Dad mentioned something about the floor being slick..."

---

A/N: Anyway, We're Not In A FANFIC! is on hiatus, and so is Friday the Thriteenth and Hellions Break Loose.

Thanks a million for the reviews!


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